I AM MERELY THE REPORTER:


Sighting #1
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He
smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."


Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine,
when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled,
"What on earth are blind people doing driving?"


Sighting #3:
At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the
company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun.
We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken.
We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an
approaching truck.


Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not
turn on.


Sighting #5 (a rare "double sighting"):
A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if
he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less
room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good
idea too.


Sighting #6 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she
downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"


Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):
Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?



Sighting #8 Auto Mechanic:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We
went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

_________

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish and
several other languages, unlike English, nouns are designated as either
masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

So, a student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The Men's Group

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The Women's Group

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won