I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on
it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable
plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think
I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever
comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?